so i’ve been back at work two weeks now.  people still have a tendency to look directly at my stomach while talking to me.  the baby’s out now but it’s either conditioning from the past few months, or they want to comment about where my belly went.

oh trust me.  it’s still there.

my “before” pants still fit and will button (some a little easier than others) and i’m back down to my weight class, but i still feel…soft.  when i poke my stomach it does that Homer Simpson jiggle.  i have no clue what to say to people when they’re like “oh you’re right back tiny” cause i didn’t gain thousands of pounds, but i also don’t really feel like my old self.  i hate everything in my closet for being so fitting.  when i go to Goodwill to donate back all my maternity clothes I’ll be digging through the racks to find some bigger “in-between” clothes and just hope i do enough to where they don’t become my all the time clothes.

my logical brain knows that it’s only been 2 months and some days since i delivered a whole ‘nother human. and yeah yeah it took 9 months of growing so i shouldn’t expect everything to be right back where it was but i still can’t stand it.  the Fit Pregnancy magazines I kept have these “Get Your Body Back” workouts in them that will just have to work if i can manage to come home and do them instead of watch TV with Addy and fall asleep on the couch.

and it’s not just the jiggly stomach thing going on.  i have no idea what my boobs were like before.  and then they got big(ger) while i was breast feeding and now they’re gone.  i don’t really mind it cause i never had anything to brag about but i coulda swore they were bigger than this.  i think.  i’m pretty sure they were.

and my hair is shedding like crazy.  i know there’s something about your hair being thicker and fuller during pregnancy, which i was not fond of because my hair is already very thick, but now it’s shedding all over the place.  and it’s super dry.  everytime i go to finger comb it, strands come out with the greatest of ease.  maybe i should stick to taking vitamins or maybe its just all the shedding that didn’t get done during the winter.  either way it’s driving me crazy.  

so everything seems to look fine to other people on the surface, and even brownlee yells at me to stop shaking my stomach when i go through two and three shirt changes before i’m ok to leave the house (and that’s before Addy spits up on anything) i still feel some sort of way about this new new body.  maybe i’ll do the magazine thing.  or even do something crazy like let that P90X man yell at me.  or maybe just accept fate and give up my tight fitting tshirts for a looser fitting button down shirt from time to time.

and maybe these peanut and almond M&M’s i have on my desk aren’t helping.